So, I must have woken closer to the sun than ever

because it's needling the back of my eyes

in harsher and more complicated ways than before,

and this headache is so phenomenal

that I feel like framing it and hanging it

as an example to all who complain in the future.

I'll refer to it as the great headsplitter of '10

a pain among pains, women will weep and men will wince

when they hear my tale. It's not the hangover,

but this proximity to the sun, which is, I guess,

on account of waking up in Alabama when I

was expecting to wake up in Nevada, unmarried.

Although I am squinting, I guess she has a pretty face,

but she only speaks Czech

and her biceps are bigger than mine

but her breasts are smaller

and perhaps her beard is more even

and I'm not sure why my butt hurts in this way

and it makes me feel uneven and uneasy

and there's not enough whiskey to undo this

but it could have been whiskey to blame.

Please send money.

A map.

And some prayers.