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- I Will Build Fires
by
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tigress, hunter of the merciless day,
curling your soft shape into my hungry grasp,
night climbs through your feline gaze;
sleep fills you with a sleek purr.
The room is aflame with your ember.
You glow within my arms; your sparkling flesh
smoulders with the godliness of perfect heat:
you flare in me like a wild craving.
I am awake with this giant life in my embrace.
The night sings your presence, and I am awake
with your giant life in my embrace.
I aim to drink the dawn's cascading sunburst,
to hold the ruptured daybreak in my flesh.
With my lips, I will build fires on each inch of you.
Take care, keep safe, and stay beautiful,
With love and peace,
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i love to meet people
That's great, Eb. A little off topic, perhaps, and maybe a little bit spammy. I'll fix up that link for you...it's sending us to an inappropriate site...
Lucky Tigress! I love all of this but the 3rd stanza..I don't usually pick at your work, but that stood out to me..maybe it is the repetition..I can almost hear you speaking it, and it works better if I imagine that...because then it has a sort of fervent awed quality to it..but in print it just seems too repetitive. Tiny critique for you..still worlds better than most of what I've read of late.
I don't mind the critique at all...in fact it's pretty much how I feel about this poem too. The last stanza doesn't work, at least, as well as it could do. I think that the imagery is sound, but the language stumbles and fumbles its clumsy way around what should be the poems crowning glory: lips on skin, slowly, working up to a hello and good morning that says: this is no false dawn, this is how - together - we are to stay alive.
Imagery is very good...I'd just tweak the 3rd stanza and perhaps you need to add one in as well to get the full effect of what you just typed above..
Thanks for the crit. I'm not sure what I'll do with it...I'm a little less disposed to working on poems after they are published than I used to be. I used to say that a poem is never finished. Now, though, there is so much more to work on, but then again, there's always the lingering knowledge of that imperfection out there in the world, nagging and gnawing away at me...:)